"You can't stay in your corner of the forest, waiting for others to come to you; you have to go to them sometimes." --Winnie the Pooh

Oh Pooh, you are so intelligent and so simplistic, which is honestly the best kind of intelligence. There are a lot of going ons in the family right now and it's made me stop and remember what it felt like when I decided to accept my current position in Oklahoma City and move to a whole new place. Not come here for a semester, or 8, but actually pick up and move here. Establish my life here. It still gets to me.

What is it that suddenly gives us the courage to embark on a new adventure? And maybe not even suddenly, maybe it's something you've wanted your whole life, but at the same time, that moment you realize that everything is going to change...it was one of the scariest of my life. But Pooh is right. You can't just stay where you are and expect things to happen, or change. They say you can't rest on your laurels and they're right. If you become complacent with "the norm" it can't get better. It was always only ever be the same. And, coming from a person who has hated change these past few weeks, I think I would hate a stagnant life even more.

I wanted to write a post about the things in my new life that I love and couldn't live without, as it seems most of my posts of late have consisted of my whining (sorry about that, but what is a blog really for?!). So here we go.

1) Income. Having a way to pay for the things I need and not have to pull it from my savings.

2) Having my own place. I am loving coming home to my place and doing whatever I want to do. Eating whatever I want for dinner. Knowing I can laze on the couch and answer to no one.

3) The boyfriend. Let's be honest, it's been great being able to see him more than once or twice a month. I'll leave it at that ;-)

4) The weather. Oh my do I love Oklahoma weather, especially considering the fact that back in Texas I'd probably be swimming everytime I walked outside.

5) A cold beer on a ________ night. This is similar to #2 but I can't help giving bud light it's own spot on my list. Coming home and knowing I can sip a brewski after a rather hard day (or even an easy one).

Granted there are more, but these are the top (okay, first) five that came to mind when writing. I'm sure more will come as my time here continues.

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Hair dye gone awry

Well, it's happened and this is my story of the hair dye gone awry. I am lucky to be able to say that up to this point, I have never had a truly horrendous hair dye mishap but honestly, tonight's takes the cake.

Let's be honest. I bought the dye because A) I have wanted red hair since, oh the first episode of Alias back in 8th grade and B) the ends of my hair had lost the color I put it them two months ago. So my thought process was, why not? I did the ends per usual, making sure it wasn't just two separate shades of brown then this red. After I washed that out and blow-dried it, I realized I loved the color and wanted to go for it, use the rest on the rest of my hair and try to get a BOOM red.

Well, apparently BOOM red literally means BOOM THIS PART IS RED. That's right, the top of my head has two very distinct sections of red against the brown. It's my own fault for not applying it evenly. I was trying to be "creative" and "weave" the color in like highlights but now I just feel like a 6th grade girl who had chunks of highlights.

I love Revlon Colorsilk. For someone who loves to dye her hair, the $2.99 price tag is awesome. The Luminista pictured above, the color I used, was about a dollar more expensive and in all honesty, I didn't read the box. Had I, I would have know that the Luminista brand is intended to color darker shades of hair i.e. me. But again, who really thinks that all hair dye is not created equal? Apparently, they aren't.

Let me just say that I will absolutely be using this brand again, probably Sunday when I pick out a brown to try and cover up the mess I made tonight. Unless it fades and looks blended at which point I'll probably keep it. So, to any ladies (or gents) out there thinking about this hair dye, be wary! This stuff delivers regardless of the darkness of your hair! With that in mind, I definitely recommend it.

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(One of) My Best Friend's Wedding

I will be the first to admit that I am so incredibly lucky to have to distinguish between "one of" and "my" best friend's wedding. On top of that, I'm so lucky and blessed to be able to be apart from my best friends for days, weeks, months at a time and have it feel like no time has passed when we come together again. That's what I got to experience this weekend.

My dear friend Kristen finally married her long time beau and honorary member of our club, Brady. It was a beautiful wedding, she was a beautiful bride and I know all in attendance had a wonderful time. The weirdest part? Watching one of my best friends, whom I have grown and shared so much with since high school, marry her soulmate and truly take that step from youth to adult. I knew we were "adults" now, but it's the wedding and marriage that makes it all real, makes it official to me. Not the working an 8-5 job or having a college degree, but knowing she's got that ring on her finger and has found the man she's going to spend the rest of her life with. When did this happen?!

There was a plethora of emotions floating around this weekend. Excitement, happiness, relief, sadness, but not all were due to the wedding. Going home, back to the place I grew up and finding my room essentially gutted was an intense onslaught of feelings. I knew it would happen but I don't think there's anyway to prepare for it. That room was my sanctuary for so long, that game room filled with memories, those stairs run down from the laps I made everyday. It was weird being back and knowing, even though it will always be a home, the place I grew up, it wasn't the same. It wasn't even the same as it was in college, when I would venture home for Christmas and Summer break. Of course, even then it took a lot of time to get used to the change. I remember crying every time I drove back to school freshman year, back when I would make the 800 mile trek one way every month. I would cry as my parents waved goodbye when I pulled out of the driveway and be on my way. Then, as school went on, I went home less frequently and found myself being more excited and ready to get back to school. Back to where my life was happening. It's the time thing that I need and we all know, you can't rush time when you want to.

I'll say it time and time again, knowing full well that saying and believing are two very different things, time fixes things, heals all wounds and generally makes things better. But there's that double edged sword again because time changes things.

I never had an idea for what this blog would end up being. It was only ever intended to be an outlet for me to get thoughts off my chest and possibly provide a different view to the life after college. To vent about the frustrations of being unable to secure a job after graduating and now, the frustrations of that first, full-time position. But today, I realized the only thing I want people to get out of this is to enjoy where you are or what you're doing.

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But look at who's right beside you

When you're alone barely holding on

You leave your worries behind you

You're not alone in the dark

--Alexz Johnson

I love Alexz Johnson's voice. It is incredible so if you're needing new music, go check out her newest single Look At Those Eyes off her soon to be re-released album, Voodoo. The lyrics above ring true and I encourage you to think about your last moment of sadness or your last few days of upset. The ones that stuck beside you, even when you were whining about the same thing, unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel? They're the ones this blog post is dedicated to.

I have an incredible support group and I thank God for it everyday. Sometimes, i.e. lately, I get annoyed because they're not around and I count on them and need them as much as I do. These are the people that will tell me the same thing over and over in different ways, or listen to me rant and vent over and over about the same thing and still be at the other end of the line.

And these are the people that you don't realize are in your support circle until you find your way to each other again. When they send you a random text to hang out on a Saturday night or help you narrow down your desires and goals in the workplace and what kind of a job you're really looking for. They're the ones that make you realize you're not really as alone as you feel.

I wish there was more time in the day. 26 hours would do it. I feel like I could get a lot done with an extra two hours in the evening, finish the dishes and get some of my thoughts down on paper with some guitar chords to accompany them. I miss having time to do that. I suppose I still need to settle into a routine and once that happens, I'll find some extra time at night to write a quick song or chapter in a book. I leave you with a link to the incredible song quoted above....

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Belvedere makes the world a better place

No quote today and no rambling about how I can't seem to deal with what's happening to my life. Nope, today is something different. Today, I am going to express my undying love and devotion to Belvedere.

I am a vodka girl through and through. I've had occasional flings with other alcoholic beverages, smirnoff coolers or that needy pest tequila but vodka and I have been together now for a while. It essentially goes with anything and still tastes amazing. Plus, vodka has fewer calories when compared to other liquors AND Belvedere only has 64 in 1 ounce.

But I'm not just in this relationship for the low(er) calorie count. I'm in it for the taste and the enjoyment I get out of spending time with good ole Belvedere. As a connoisseur of vodka/waters, I've had my fair share with various vodkas. First there was Smirnoff, then I progressed to Sky then, when I was feeling rich I would splurge on Absolut. All of these are great, although Absolut always gave me the worst hangover, regardless of how much I drank, but then I discovered the greatness that is Belvedere.

There is something about it that makes it blend perfectly with whatever you choose. My first vodka/water with this heavenly gift was like drinking lemon lime water with a taste that you can't put your finger on but love nonetheless. In fact, I have had to force myself to stop drinking them in a night because I don't want to become intoxicated. They just taste so good that I want more. I suppose I could say the same thing about chocolate...

And now I must ask due to burning curiosity, what is your favorite drink? Why?

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"You're young and you're eager, and I understand that. But one thing you're not, and this is something only time can provide, really, is wise." -- Jack Bristow

People always say that change is for the better and that you get used to change, but I don't. I can honestly not ever see a time when I am used to change. It's what keeps you on your toes, surprises you and then makes you aware of just how great things were (or will be). If I ever get used to change, I worry what it could mean. Has my life reached a plateau of accomplishments and enough change to leave me hardened and unimpressed by any new changes? Or am I just better at anticipating it because I know the things that matter will still be there? Those are the certainties I can't wait to have. There's still so much going on with myself, my friends, my family, that the change doesn't appear to be slowing down anytime soon.

At the same time, all I want is to be able to know change is on its way, or has already arrived, and that things will be different. To instantaneously know that it's going to be alright. That things will work out in the end. But I guess that's the thing about change. It's a double-edged sword that'll slice you no matter what you do. Perhaps the above mentioned wisdom from edge is learning how to block the hits so the change doesn't cut too close.

To say I'm settling is in one thing, to say I'm getting used to my new life is a whole different ball game. Everything has changed and the fear that everything could change again in an instant is terrifying. I'm slowly growing accustomed to the sleep and work schedule, but I have a long way to go before it's routine. I still wake up in the morning and laugh (sometimes bitterly) at the fact that four months ago I was only ever awake at that time to let Teddy out of his kennel.That by the time I'm having lunch, I was starting my second cup of coffee only four weeks ago. I need to re-read those entries about how much I wanted a job. Needed a job. Someone should have slapped me upside the head and said "Enjoy it kid, things are about to change forever." The grass is always greener...

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"So just love, make mistakes, and have wonderful times, but never second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is you are going." --Carrie Bradshaw

Carrie speaks the truth. I know it, you know it. The problem is listening to her words and following the advice. I had this quote saved from last month, intending to use it in another context I'm sure, but re-reading it now gives it a whole other life.

The first 4 days at my job were so incredibly difficult. Not only was I getting used to living in a new city on my own, but add to the mix working an 8-5 and dealing with everything that comes with it. Making it to work on time, deciding what to have for lunch, what you're going to do with your time when you get home and most importantly, enjoying what you're doing from the 8-5 enough to have time pass relatively quickly, or at least not drag by. This was my problem. All 20 odd years of my life, I have wanted to do something in the creative realm. Act, sing, write stories or songs, play music, design graphics. Anything and everything that had to do with the artsy stuff. So, after 20 some years of wanting/loving/expecting this, learning that what I was going to be doing at my job was nothing like this was a harsh blow.

It made me wonder, is it a good idea to teach our kids to believe in their dreams and that dreams do come true? Of course. I'm being cynical and mopey that I didn't have the guts and determination to go after my dreams (there is still time, of course!). But reading the above quote made me realize that everything up to this point has gotten me to where I am. There is a reason why I love writing songs or blogs or stories, even if only to get my feelings out and escape to a different reality once in a while. There's a reason why I can sing, even if only to sing to my children at night. But everything has it's own purpose in your life, you just have to remember that.

And this job, which has gotten exponentially better since I started, will play a role in my life to come. Maybe it'll be a good first job to have on my resume or maybe it'll get me to that international travel I've dreamt about for a while now. Regardless, it will serve a purpose. So come tomorrow, when I wake up at 7am and am wishing I were back in college or when my day starts and the fun of the job hasn't hit me yet, I'll think back to this quote, this blog and remember that this is just a puzzle piece in my life that will serve as a means to fill the next piece in.

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“When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish."--Winnie the Pooh

The lack of updates in two weeks is due to my new found status as a working girl. It's incredibly weird and hard and annoying but fun and different and sometimes exciting. I am a Business Development Manager for a technology company. The title sounds so much more official than what I do but I like it. Per my training, I am currently conducting surveys over the phone to companies we think would could use our technology. In reality, this training is just to give me time to get used to talking on the phone and being comfortable getting past "gatekeepers" while having time to train. I've now worked for 8 full days and each day it gets a little better, a little more comfortable and little less sad.

Sad in the sense that this is what I will be doing for 40 odd years. Sad that my life revolves around work and the weekends, as well as the occasional day off. I'm ready to hit my one year anniversary, when I get 10 days vacation as opposed to my current five (which is still great, don't get me wrong). This is a completely different lifestyle than the one I've known for the past four and a half years and let's be honest, who likes change? Especially when you're changing from something that was so great?

I'm looking forward to my first payday, they say it all becomes worth it when you see all your hard work in money form. That will be nice. Until then, I will look forward to the little things, like seeing friends during the weekday or seeing the boyfriend on the weekends. Coming home to an incredibly excited puppy twice a day who reminds me to love the little things, not having to do anything after work and have the time solely for me.

Side note: Teddy is still alive, laying next to me on my bed with his engorged abdomen from his ascites. I'm not sure what's going on with his liver or how much longer he has, but I would appreciate any and all prayers and thoughts in his direction. He's a little fighter and makes me so happy everyday that any extra time I get to spend with him is incredible.

It's my first weekend spent here in the apartment and in the city and it's already gotten pretty full with plans. I am excited to spend a big chunk of Saturday and most of Sunday to finish unpacking and decorating. As soon as it's all done, I'll take some pictures to show off the finished product! But I'm pretty sure the boxes and pictures have somehow multiplied during their waiting period...Just my luck.

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First-timer

These past two weeks have had a lot of firsts for me. My first real job offer, my first acceptance, my first time moving cities, knowing I'd be there for a while. The list goes on.

Last night, as I pulled the sheets back on my air mattress, I realized another first. The first night in my first, very own apartment. Not one that I shared, not staying at home while the parents were out of town. My place, all alone. I expected to feel some fear, perhaps some sadness, but I was surprised at how calm I was. Believe you me, I enjoyed the milestone, but I suppose I was expecting to feel something more.

David and I grabbed a pizza last night at The Wedge Pizzeria on Western and loved it. The restaurant itself was a bit small but it had a great vibe to it and I'm pretty sure the owner was our waiter. He took great care of us and helped us with the menu. If you're ever in Okc, it's a must. It's something I'm getting used to, having all these new places to try and being so close to so many options. Which is weird to say considering I lived in Houston and had a plethora of options but this is different. This is that downtown feel and I really love it. Going 5 minutes right on Western and being in Uptown or going left on Walker and being in downtown in 3.

And now, empty boxes have been put into one of my many closets and the living room looks pretty bare. I want a futon. The table and chairs can wait, I want somewhere for guests to sit and crashers to sleep. Anyone have a spare?

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"Is this real life?" --David (after his infamous trip to the dentist)

Well kids, I've done it. I have found the place of residence that I will be calling home for the next year and I am in love. It's a first floor apartment in what I can only imagine was once a huge home. Or a brothel. Thankfully, it's been incredibly well kept (or re-done) and is perfect for me. What's that you ask? Did you say you wanted pictures? How funny you should mention it...

This is the view from my door, facing the front door

And the back door

This is what you see upon entering, a very empty yet messy living room

I thought you might want to see the front door, with a closet to the right

Next we have a view of the bedroom from the living room

And another

The opposite side, with the nice, long closet

Now we make our way back to the living room, shown here from the kitchen

Here's the kitchen, shown from the dining area (I love the cupboards!)

The actual kitchen, pardon the mess

This is the dining area

From there you enter what I call the Get Ready room

A view from the closet shown above

That leads into the bathroom

See Becca? Not a tacky purple/pink tile, a perfect for me tile!

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"Eventually all the pieces fall into place....until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason"--Carrie Bradshaw

It's so much easier to read this quote and heed its advice now that the confusion in my life is seeming to dissipate. I suppose that's the reason we have those confusing, complicated, out-of-your-control times- in order to enjoy life when things come together.

To say things have changed since my last post would be a slight understatement. I have watched my puppy miraculously dispel the fluid in his abdomen one week (and then retain fluid a few weeks later), interviewed for a job and actually gotten an offer that I have taken, and in turn begun the move to Oklahoma City. Just a week ago at this time I had finished the interview and was enjoying a happy hour beer at O'Connell's for Kevin's birthday, contemplating what I would do if I got the offer. And here I am, with as much stuff from my room that I could fit in my car, trying to find a place to live. A week ago I was living at home, anxious to get out. Now I'm about to live on my own and am feeling a rather overwhelming sense of homesickness. Just my luck.

I should think that after 23 years of life, I would really grasp the concept that everything's greener on the other side because time and time again, it proves to be true. At any point in my life, a job was always a great idea, the money was so appetizing but once the job came, I loathed the fact that I didn't have time for my life according to my schedule. My last year of college, all I wanted was to get out and start working. I was sick of the exams and the studying. Now, as my adult life is approaching at an alarming speed, all I want is to be back in college, not having to worry about finding a place to live close to work, in my price range, with this and that, etc. Darn you grass, why can't you be green all the time? And here I am, out on my own as I have wanted so badly these past few months, yet wanting to be back in the comfort of that 3 windowed, blue room with my dog cuddled up to me, waiting to eat dinner with the parents.

Maybe as I grow older and hopefully wiser, I will finally be able to truly live in the moment. To know that when things go wrong, there's a reason and that things will somehow correct themselves. To laugh it off with a razztini in hand and simply enjoy my surroundings. I don't know if I'll ever truly be that carefree but it's nice to think that the next time nothing lines up, I'll remember that eventually, they will.

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"The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself."--Carrie Bradshaw

Family. As a person who has gone from living on her own to living back with her parents, I completely understand the annoyed side of the equation mentioned above. But I've been blessed with a family that I wholeheartedly, unconditionally love and I make a point to recognize that.

But the thing that struck me about this quote is that family has all the meanings you want it to have. I have my Houston family, I had my Norman family, with the six of us cooking Sunday dinners and playing hide and seek when the power went out. I have my besties, I have my second family of two sweet angel children and two of the best parents I know. Lately, I've had to make a point to remind myself just how blessed and lucky I am. It's not something I forget easily but with what's going on it's easy to take it for granted.

Why is it that the people that love us unconditionally are the ones that tend to get on our nerves? Is it because they say the things others won't? And why is it then, that the people who will always be there for us are the ones we always seem to be so eager to leave? You book it out of the house after high school and hope that you can live on your own from that point on.

It's interesting to me to watch this family dynamic all the while keeping this in mind. And while you might be ready to rip your hair out in frustration from something a family member said, it's important to remember just how lucky you are that they're around.

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