7 Day Detox: Day 13

I'm one day away from my 2-week goal and I've hit a snag. My first set-up/blind date is tonight at a place where you paint and drink wine. I'm excited, but am faced with a conundrum. End the detox 24 hours early or tell him I'm not drinking and why? I feel like explaining the whole detox idea would be a huge deterrent - why would you need to refrain from drinking alcohol for 2 weeks if you're not addicted?

Touche, dear-date-that-I-haven't-met-yet.

The good news is the detox experiment worked. I was able to remove alcohol from my life without avoiding social interaction. I remembered what it was like to hang out with friends because you enjoyed their company and simply wanted to be around them, not because you wanted to get a beer and needed someone to do it with.

I have found that the idea of a Corona with a lime after work, or a glass of wine to go with dinner is often born not because I need the drink (that was never the case), but because it makes me feel like an adult (which is a weird thing to want to feel). It's a mini-celebration to the end of another workday. Growing up, eating a bowl of popcorn was the end of my day dessert - I think it's time I get back to that.

Overall, I'm pleased with the detox and results. I'm excited to try and weed out activities that revolve around drinking and incorporate some good, old fashioned fun back into my life. I'm eager to start drinking slower, enjoy the drink for what it is and not for the potential buzz it could give me. Let's see how long that lasts...

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7 Day Detox: Day 9

I made it through the weekend unscathed and have come out the other end feeling great. I woke up Saturday morning after a wonderful night's sleep feeling extra skinny and ready to take on the day, and boy did I. After the game Friday night, I sat with some friends at the bar and hung out while they drank. I happily said "No thank you," to the servers when they continued to ask if I wanted anything, and I got home by ten o'clock. It was wonderful.

I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was so hang out with friends, still have fun, and not drink. While the beer looked yummy, I wasn't dying to have it, and it wasn't consuming every thought that went through my mind.

Sunday was easy enough to avoid drinking and thoughts of it. Fog and cold made for a dreary day, which made it incredibly easy to stay inside on my couch before having to work that afternoon. I'm sure when the weather gets warmer, it will be incredibly difficult to pull me away from the lure of a patio, but hopefully at that point I will have really nailed down my ability to say no and drink slower.

The biggest takeaway from this weekend was how wonderful it was to wake up feeling refreshed after a night of good sleep. No drunkenly passing out, or even having a small buzz that affected my sleep. It was glorious.

I will admit, today I thought it would be nice to grab a beer with some friends and catch up, but it wasn't driven by wanting a beer. It was to do something different. I'd say that's progress, wouldn't you?

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7 Day Detox: Day 5

It happened yesterday. The moment I had been waiting for. 3 o'clock came, co-workers started discussing their post work plans that involved happy hours and my mouth started salivating. A draft beer sounded so delicious and all I could think was, It's been a hard day, one won't be so bad. It was the moment I said to myself, A beer would be nice, I deserve it, that I really shut.it.down.

Hold up! Since when did a busy, challenging day warrant a drink? Since when was I the person that wanted to go home and have a drink instead of getting in a good workout or cooking a yummy dinner? Who have I become?!

In that moment, I decided to realign my priorities during this detox and focus on my health and well-being. The fact that getting a drink to cap off my day was a bigger priority than doing anything else is a bigger issue to me, so much so that I'm going to make this 7 day detox a 14 day detox and really commit to it. I'm sure with the additional week I'll have a ton of opportunities to share my socialization around booze without consuming it, so get excited.

Instead of doing any drinking, I went home, worked out, took down all the Christmas decorations and took my dog to a friend's to play. WHAT a good dog owner I am! And those were all things that would not have taken place had I opted to slip a brewski into a koozie and park it on the couch. This detox could not have come at a better time.

I hope I turn into one of those super healthy people who only put organic and God grown foods in their mouth and practices yoga so much that they can hold Crow pose for hours on end. I definitely think that's where this detox is heading...

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7 Day Detox: Day 4

These past two days I've been really lightheaded. Yesterday, I blamed it on taking too much melatonin but I have it again today. Is this alcohol withdrawal? I have no shakes, no all-consuming desire to crack open a brewski and throw it back, but I do have this weird sensation in my head. I'm going to hope it's the beginning of an illness instead of being alcohol related...

I puzzled the entire evening last night. My friend came over and, after I confirmed I was enjoying a booze-free week, she decided to join me in going alcohol free. It was wonderful to catch up and challenge our minds without pouring pointless calories into our bodies. On a side note: she picked the hardest puzzle known to mankind. Penguins on snow. White penguins on white snow. 

My plans to challenge myself tomorrow, hanging out with friends at our my favorite margarita joint have been scrapped, and I feel like the whole purpose of this blog series was to challenge my willpower in social settings. So now, it looks like I'll have to challenge my determination elsewhere, and if it's a Friday or Saturday I'm afraid my ability to refuse might wane. Only for you, my few readers, will I do everything I can to say no, short of sewing my mouth shut. 

I feel a little phlegmy...maybe I am getting sick. 

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7 Day Detox: Day 3

I wasn't exaggerating when I said everything in my life & social circle seems to revolve around alcohol! Maybe an hour after posting Sunday, a friend texted and asked if I wanted to get beers or dinner. Thankfully, after having talked about loving puzzles only last week, she also put that forth as an option, which I happily accepted.Yesterday, after having told them about my detox before I even wrote that first post, two friends chose to send Snapchats of their evenings, complete with booze. Then another friend offered to buy me margaritas.

I held strong.

So here we are, day 3, and all I can think is how clean and refreshed my body must be. I imagine it's swimming in a crystal clear lake and can count all ten toes while giggling at the fish that swim by. Or that my insides have just finished running a marathon and looked like a supermodel while doing it. Yes, my body must be perfect now.

...I'm sorry, it's only been how many days? Less than 72 hours you say? Damn. Maybe my body is still wringing out the toxins then.

I will admit, I am pleasantly surprised with how easy it's been. Sure, seeing my friend have a glass of wine while watching The Bachelor made me want to shove my cuddling dog from my lap and immediately do the same thing (I don't even watch that show) but the point is, I didn't.

You can start engraving my trophy now.

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7 Day Detox: Day 1

Alright readers, I've decided. A week long detox from alcohol that, in a perfect world, will go longer. Seven days without alcohol? That's easy, you say. And theoretically, it is. I'm by no means addicted to booze, but as single female in her twenties, most of the social activities among friends consist of getting drinks, drinking at dinner, or hanging out with drinks. It all comes back to beer and booze.

That being said, I'm going to rock these next seven day sans alcohol without becoming a recluse. You want to meet up for margaritas after work? Let's go see a movie instead. Go get drinks after the game on Friday? Let's go bowling. I'll blog about all of it - from my friends demanding we get margaritas as I sit there pretending my lemon water is that wonderfully frozen concoction (seriously, they're fantastic) to suddenly thinking a Corona sounds delish after seeing it on TV (way to advertise, Ceveceria Modelo).

Again, I can't stress enough that this detox is born out of the seemingly constant presence of booze in my social situations. I want to get back to the days where putting a puzzle together and catching up was welcomed, or watching the game meant making queso, not punch. This blog will hold me accountable, because now that it's out there, how embarrassing it would be to fail.

Looks like I need to go buy a puzzle...

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The Best Show You're Not Watching

Here's a quick throw back to yesteryear and when I made a point to update this old blog regularly (hello out-of-college unemployment, I kind of miss you). I started a series creatively titled The Best Show You're Not Watching so I could help spread the joy of TV shows I watch that just about no one else does.

It's time to add to that series with a smashing new show titled, Almost Royal, airing Saturday nights on BBC America. It follows brother and sister duo Georgie and Poppy Carlton, heirs to the throne of England, as they take a roadtrip across America. Let's watch this wonderful preview below, shall we?

As you can tell, Almost Royal is a splendid mockumentary show following the siblings as they live without their silver spoons and instead with their father's recently filled urn. I love George's seemingly constant confusion and Poppy's knowledge that it is in fact, all about her. That's how I live my life and I don't hate it.

I also feel the need to bring attention to their fantastic Twitter personalities.

It's a quick, 22 minute show that I guarantee will elicit at least one laugh from you, if not more. We're going to be blessed with Episode 7 this Saturday at 9pm, so catch up on what you've missed and invite your friends over before you hit the town to share this hilariously funny gem of a show.

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What's done is done -- William Shakespeare

No matter what you do or how hard you try, it seems impossible to avoid regret. Even if just for a moment and despite your best intentions, it's impossible to avoid even the slightest tinge of regret. And to be frank, I hate that.

The picture says it all, which I think is why regret is the worst. What you have is exactly what you wanted at one point, so why are you wanting to take it back? I brought this upon myself, so I feel guilty when I'm upset at the outcome.

Of course, we only regret the difficult decisions. The ones that didn't have a clear result or outcome, the ones that left the future up to chance. The ones that don't live up to your expectations. Which leads to another thing I hate: expectations. There is no way to avoid disappointment when you have set any kind of expectation.  The definition itself sets the word up for disappointment and regret. Expectation: a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future; a belief that someone will or should achieve something. I think society has gotten bad at expecting too much, then wallowing when reality lets them down, instead of being proactive and doing something about it. We all need to make a point to nix our expectations if we're not going to do something about making sure they come to fruition.

All this is to say, I'm trying to make a point to expect nothing so I won't regret anything. Regret is a useless emotion; it gets nothing accomplished and leaves me with negative feelings that I'd rather avoid altogether.  Happiness truly is reality sans expectations, and I'm all about doing what I can to be happy. I know I can't avoid regret or completely remove it from my vocabulary, but my goal is to get past that twinge in record time and move on. It's in the past and can't change, so there's no point in wasting any more time on it.
 

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Reputations. We all have them and we all have to deal with them; my question is, to what extent? Where do you draw the line between caring what people could say about you and living your life how you want?

There's no way to get around or out of having a reputation. It's human nature for people to talk about others and make judgements and assumptions. It sucks, but it happens. It's impossible to control what people say about you, so why is so much weight put on it? Why do we care so much about what people say about us, especially when we know it's not true?

It seems like we only care what people think when it’s wrong, and even then, there’s nothing to be done about it. The lie has already been said, the rumor already spread, so why spend any more time pondering over what has passed? And if it is in fact a lie, why not let it roll of your shoulders as you move on to bigger and better things? You know the truth, the people who matter know the truth, and anyone else clearly isn't a great friend anyways.

There’s a fine line with reputations; not caring at all could turn around and bite you, but caring too much could make you miss out on things that could have been amazing. I’m not one to alter my behavior because someone thinks I’m too much of a partier or a hermit or a boozer. I know who I am and I know where to draw the line. I can’t stop people from thinking I go crazy on the weekends, or conversely never go out, so what’s the point in trying to change their minds? I'm by no means going to go out and make stupid decisions that could get back to my employers and sacrifice my job, or my friends and sacrifice relationships, but maybe that's because of how I was raised. Don't do something you wouldn't want everyone to know about. Ultimately, I have two people in my life to please and he knows what is and isn't truth.

The quote above says it all. Reputations are hearsay; character is what you actually are. If you’re happy with your choices and who you are, who cares what your reputation is? If that’s what prevents you from getting a promotion or building a better friendship, then you shouldn’t be trying for that anyways. An avid reader, I'm not one to judge a book by its cover, or reviews, and I do my best to incorporate that into life as well. 

So the next time you believe what someone says about anyone but themselves, take it with a grain of salt. Actually, don't take it at all. Throw that salt back at them and let people show you who they really are. You never know who could surprise you. 

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The Cohabitation Effect: Fact or Fiction?

Living together before marriage: do or do not?

I'm a Southern girl who was born and raised a Lutheran, and according to some co-workers, this is why I am against living with your significant other before marriage. According to an article written by Meg Jay for the NY Times, cohabitation in the US has increased by 1,500% with more than 7.5 million unmarried couples living together. And subsequently couples who live together are more likely to divorce than couples who do not. So, why do it?

The resounding response among those I asked was that you have to live with a person to truly know them. That everyone is on their best behavior until, apparently, you live together, at which point the real person you're dating comes out. I would hope you're not moving in with someone that you've only just started dating, that you move in together after at least a year, because in my mind living together is pretty serious. And if you've been together that long and they're still on their best behavior? Let me know where you met them, because I want to find someone like that.

I think that's where I fall on the other side of the fence on this debate. Serious. I understand some people live together because it's easier than having 2 rents or mortgages to pay, and if you are at each others house all the time...but that just sounds like a recipe for disaster. You're not living together for commitment purposes, mainly for convenience, so what's to stop one of you from calling things off and moving out the second the other leaves clothes on the floor or moves your spices?

I think nowadays, too many people take what used to be serious steps in a relationship with the mindset of, well, if it doesn't work out, I'll just move or we'll get divorced. There's an easy out that prevents people from working through things, and what once was sacred is now just, meh. Yes, I completely understand and see that that statement makes me the most traditional person, I am who I am. That being said, I can understand where my debaters are coming from, in a sense. You say you want to make sure you mesh with this person 24/7. Fair enough, but what I'm hearing is, you want to take the uncertainty out of a relationship. You want to see how they deal with conflict when one arises between you two? I'm sure there will plenty of opportunities to experience that when you're married. And ultimately, how long do you live together before you finally tie the knot? Do you set a deadline and, if you're still together when it comes, you get married? Or do you wait for a reason to end things?

Yes, I'm a traditionalist and I understand that I might be a dying breed. But I don't see the point of living with someone before marriage. Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?

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A Captain's Duty: Somali Pirates, Navy SEALS, and Dangerous Days at Sea

I am an avid reader, if you haven't gathered that from the umpteen number of times I've mentioned finishing a book. Recently, my best friend Rose recommended I read "A Captain's Duty" written by Captain Richard Phillips and thank goodness she did. It's an incredible story and reading his first hand account of being held captive by Somali Pirates is riveting.

A 30 year vet, Captain Phillips was a merchant mariner who had completed multiple trips through the Gulf of Aden, but it wasn't until 2009 that he experienced his first, and last, run in with pirates. I'll be the first to say that I'm very rarely a non-fiction reader. I can do biographies when I know the person or have a fondness for the subject matter, but I had never heard of Captain Phillips or had a love for the sea. But, Rose told me it was amazing and I listened to her, so now I'm telling you to do the same.

The biggest thing I took from this book was that you truly don't know who you are or what you're capable of. Phillips mentions over and over again how he wanted his whole ordeal to be over, even if it meant death. To give up and give in, but at the lowest of those moments, he thought of his family and knew he had to push through it. Not that he could push through it, but that he would regardless.

Throughout the book, the reader is shown how incredibly selfless this man is. He became a merchant mariner to see the world, then through his years and experience, earned the position of Captain. He understood what the title and the pay meant, and did all he could to protect his crew and keep them safe, including sacrificing himself.

Ultimately, A Captain's Duty is a book I couldn't put down. I loved the suspense, wondering how he was going to handle the different situations, and being able to completely visualize what Richard Phillips was experiencing as each hour passed, even though I've never been on a cargo ship like his. I loved that he included what was happening to his family and his wife while he was held captive, what they were experiencing and feeling. But, in my opinion, the best part about this book is how it can resonate with anyone (and I say this as a 25 year old female who has been on one cruise) and leave an impression. Here I am, a week later, still thinking about this book and his experiences and how, though I will most likely never be in a situation that demands me to offer myself to Somali pirates, I hope should I ever have to, I could exhibit half the composure and bravery that this man was forced to exude.

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After revisiting the wonders of Happy Endings: Season One (seriously check it out, even though the show has been cancelled), I was inspired to analyze the two break up styles utilized by everyone, including yours truly and even the writers of that phenomenal show.

If you're reading this, odds are you've been in a relationship or dated someone. And if that's the case, you've experienced what I refer to as The Conversation, or the infamous Petering Out. When it comes to dating, or the end of dating someone, there are only two ways to end things (see above). Obviously The Conversation forces the person to fess up and be honest with the other person, which for some people is great. Petering Out is the road more often traveled when things were kept pretty light and casual, the eventual fading out of the other person's life. The span between calls, hang outs, and texts grows until they finally stop. No potentially awkward conversation or confrontation, just easing out of it.

The question is, which is better?

Obviously, certain situations demand specifics. You say you've been in a relationship for a year? I swear, if you try to Peter Out I will find you and slap you. You better be writing that speech and be prepared to sit down and converse. You've only been on a few dates? Absolutely let that slide; the other will get over it.

But what about that murky in between? It never got that serious but lasted for a bit, you got pretty close. Or what if you run in the same circle of friends? You know you'll see the other person again, so which route do you take? Do you chance petering out even though you're inevitably going to talk again or do you give them the speech and hope it negates any future awkwardness?

In the span of writing this, I've gone back and forth on which I prefer more times than I've used question marks (go back and count them, it's a lot). I'm a fan of The Conversation because, even though it could be uncomfortable (is there ever a situation like this in which it's not?), both parties know that nothing more is going to happen. It's done, kaput, finito. You could also make it quick and rip that band-aid off; "I don't think we should see each other anymore" or the classic "This just isn't going to happen, but you're great!" click. Perhaps the best way to approach the conversation is looking at it from a timeline - avoid awkward face to face rejection and do it on the phone if you've gone out on a handful of dates. Otherwise, it's probably progressed enough that you should do it face to face.

As more time has elapsed, I think Petering Out is what you reserve for the casual encounters that could have amounted to something but one of you, or both of you, aren't wanting to take it there. Or maybe you realize the other person is not your cuppa tea and since it was never that serious, you decide to just let it slowly fall through the cracks. I think I'd save this card for the interactions in the I-met-you-randomly-and-will-never-see-you-after-this category and move on.

Note: I have recently been informed of Ghosting, in which one person simply vanishes from the radar. A few dates in and boom, silence. I think I almost like the idea of Ghosting more than Petering Out, only because, unless a rock is smarter than you, you realize the silence from the person who once responded is due to them not being interested. But if you're going to do that, you might as well have The Conversation and get it over with. Otherwise, it's guaranteed to be awkward the next time you run into each other post-Ghost.

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