Do you love me?

Are you playing those love games with me?

Old Gregg understands love games; he’s been forced to play them many a time with his kidnapped suitors. Unfortunately, I don’t understand them. Why would anyone play games with someone they’re interested in? The last thing I would ever want to do to someone I could see having a relationship with, is mess with their mind and make them think I’m not interested. So my question for you – what’s the point of playing games?

I was fortunate enough to watch an interaction a few weeks ago that spurred this topic, as well as be a recipient to such silly game playing a few weeks before that, and it really got me wondering why people think playing anything in the beginning stages of dating is a good idea. Exhibit A: playing hard to get. We’ve all heard about it, I’m sure we’ve all done it, but what’s the point? Are there actually people who are only into someone if there’s a chase? If it’s a challenge to be with that person? What possible benefit could there be in being with someone who made you think they weren’t interested at the get go? Frankly, that would just tick me off and send me running the opposite way but maybe that’s just me. Excuse me for thinking I’m worth more than high school juvenility and sticking around long enough to stroke your ego.

Exhibit B: leading someone on. Saying “Let’s hang out!” but never actually doing it. What is the point of you constantly telling me you want to hang out, asking what I’m doing all weekend, to not do anything with the information? On the same note, don’t text me asking how I’m doing or how my weekend was if all you want out of the conversation is a boost to your confidence. What is the point in letting someone believe there is a shot when you know and knew all along, that there wasn’t? Is it some sort of complex that Freud and Jung never picked up on? If you know there is absolutely no potential there, say it. I’ll admit, I’ve had some hard times with this because, yes, it’s a lot easier to go along with something than to tell someone ‘thanks but no thanks’ but man up and call it what it is. Nothing.

What this all boils down to is my utter confusion as to why anyone would want to do any of the above. I guess I'm one of the weird ones in that my interest in you inspires me to hang out with you, get closer to you, get to know you better, not brush you off when you ask to hang out, hoping you'll want me that much more. Even that comparison sounded convoluted! So what do you think about the game playing that seems to be ever present in the dating world? 

Read More

I'm a girl, a woman, a female, so I'll be frank. I often find myself thinking about love, romance, relationships, the whole ball of wax. The question that's been on my mind as of late - what would you sacrifice for love? Nothing? Everything?

I may be the only person who thinks that love truly is what it's all about, but I do. That with love you can survive just about anything. I'm not saying it will be easy, no siree, but it will be worth it, because in my mind, that's what I've been put on this Earth for. I'm not here to build a company from the ground up and watch it flourish, nor am I here to help govern a city, state or country. I am here to attempt to change people's lives, or heck, a life, with what I've been taught and what I feel in my heart. So what is it about this day and age that has so many people not settling down? Are all twenty-somethings willing to watch a great relationship slip by because they want to be single that badly?

Talking to a girlfriend today made me realize I'm not the only one suffering from this disease. In fact, she shares all of my thoughts and ideals when it comes to this topic. She said, you sacrifice for what you want the most, and when you do, it's worth everything you gave up in the first place. I conclude this post sitting in the Las Vegas airport, having spent 2 hours mulling over this topic in flight. I must admit, I was surprised at the conclusion I reached. Hypothetical question: would I be willing to sacrifice a great job in my dream industry to stay where I know the good guys are?  Would I be willing to move to LA to follow my dreams, knowing the odds of finding a great guy aren't in my favor? Would I be willing to sacrifice my dreams of a great love and incredible relationship to pursue my career dreams? Because if me, a huge advocate for love, isn't willing or ready to sacrifice one dream for the other, I can't expect you to sacrifice yours.

"Love cannot accept what it is. Everywhere on earth it cries out against kindness, compassion, intelligence, everything that leads to compromise. Love demands the impossible, the absolute, the sky on fire, inexhaustible springtime, life after death, and death itself transfigured into eternal life."

--Albert Camus 

Read More

We've all been there in one way or another, visiting the infamous Friend Zone, but here's what I don't understand - "they" say the best relationships come after being friends, so how do you avoid the friend zone but still be friends?

I will admit that I've put guys in the friend zone, and I've been put there myself. Sometimes it's the zone of I-like-you-but-not-right-now and other times it's the I-don't-know-how-to-tell-you-I-don't-like-you zone. Part of me thinks the idea of it is simply an excuse, a cop out when you really don't want to have that talk because let's be honest, you're not going to reciprocate feelings for everyone. Sometimes they really are just a friend.

But, let's say you are one of the unlucky few who are in the friend zone because of outside circumstances. Half of the party is kind of seeing someone that isn't you, maybe someone just got out of a relationship and isn't ready to dive back into the dating game. Regardless, it's not the right time and boom, there's the friend zone. Is it possible to hover between a relationship and friends without entering the dreaded friend zone? And if you do get zoned, is it possible to get out of it?

I feel like it's pretty hard to be a Champion of the Friend Zone like Jim Halpert. It's one of those, once you're in Dodge, you're not getting out. But if you do make it out alive, you deserve the person on your arm and a gold medal. And if you don't make it out, you got a great friend out of it, right?

Read More

We've all been there - waiting for that guy you've been staring at across the bar to come over and chat you up, or being the guy contemplating if he's going to go for it. So I have to ask, when is it a good idea to ask for that hot girl's number?

I will say that I have not had to do the Can-I-get-your-number dance too often, and frankly, that's fine with me. I can only assume this is why guys are hesitant to ask for a girls number. They know we get annoyed with it and they know there's a good chance we'll give them a phony number. I give kudos to the guy from St. Patty's day who not only asked for my number, but came back and asked me for it again after I gave him the wrong one (oops). So why does it always seem the guys who ask for our numbers are the ones we don't want to give it to?

My roommate walks in yesterday from grocery shopping and shares her adventures in Wal-Mart, which include being asked for her number. Twice. Really guys? In a Wal-Mart? I mean, I get that a bar is probably not the best place to meet someone not looking for a midnight romp, but with that in mind, I would say Wal-Mart is definitely not much higher on the list. After this story, the three of us girls launch into tales of our experiences and I pose the question of leagues. We all know the idea of "leagues" in dating, and while we all say we don't agree with it, we all know we do. So why is it the guys that ask for a girls number always seem to shoot out of their league?

Think of it as baseball, boys. There are the minors and the majors, the triple AAA's and the doubles. Don't ask a girl in the majors for her number if you're still back doing the triple A thing. Or do, just don't expect it to be a good number. If she is into you, she'll come talk to you. Because that's the thing, at a certain point in life, we ladies stop being so shy and end up going after what we want. If the bar is closing soon and you've just been returning my stares all night, you better believe I'll come say hi before the night ends.

Read More

The First Date Paradox

We've all been on those dates with someone that don't turn out like you're expecting. Maybe the restaurant is a mecca for vegetarians but all you want it is a hunk of steak, maybe your date expects you do to all the talking. Regardless, the date is awkwardly uncomfortable and the end can't come fast enough. Then there are times when the date ends and all you can think is, Where did the time go? That being said, I decided to dive into the minds and experiences of my friends and myself and uncover what it is that makes (or breaks) a first date.

Let me start by pointing out that I'm a girl. I have never asked anyone on a date nor have I had to plan one for myself. Sure, I've been incredibly forward (especially so this past year) and practically asked guys out, but luckily they've caught on before I ask and do it themselves. And, being a girl, I can only offer one view on an activity that involves two. Of course, I am only one girl so don't take my word as the end all be all (because I know you do already) and blame me later if your date goes poorly. Clear? And we're off.

The perfect first date, especially when I don't know the other guy that well, is to go somewhere casual and talk. A nice bar with good food (I promise, they exist) where I can get a beer instead of wine and be comfortable chatting. Where there might be a TV on the wall to offer some topics for conversation should it ever lag. After talking with friends, I find I might be alone in this opinion. Sure, if we continue to date I'll want you to take me somewhere nice, but not from the get go. First dates are nerve wracking enough, let's not add a super classy dinner to the list of things to think about. For me, first dates are about getting to know you and vice versa and I will never really be myself in a restaurant where appetizers cost more than I would normally spend on a meal.

I asked some guy friends why a fancy dinner has become the norm and they said they want to impress the girl. I countered with, "Sure it's nice but I'd be more impressed if you were comfortable enough with me to go to a casual place." Of course, a bar yields a potential problem - what if your date doesn't drink? A sporting event seemed to be a preferred date by the guys which raised the issue that your date might not like the sport you're watching. This led to more discussion and I began to realize that yes, planning a first date is indeed difficult. But if you don't know if you're date likes to drink or if s/he hates baseball, you should probably hang out with her more in a group setting before diving into the date. Am I alone in this opinion? Probably, but I'm the kind of person who wants to know more than your name before we're alone together.

All this post and its research did was encourage my curiosity about first dates. I can't really be the only person who wants a chill first date, right? And if I'm not, when did the fancy first date become the norm? If it's expected for guys to spend a ton of money on a girl who may or may not lead to anything, I'm surprised guys still ask girls out.

So I ask you - what is your perfect first date?

Read More