Childlike Excitement

I know we all have had those moments of longing for our youth. The innocence and the carefree nature of being a kid. Not having bills to pay and getting to play on a playground for thirty minutes a day. Now, it sounds like the life. Back then, all we wanted was to be adults. I was scrolling through a fantastic post on Buzzfeed, 25 Things That Will Make You Smile , and was confronted with this wonderful video of Madeline. I had seen it before, as I'm sure you have, but couldn't keep from clicking 'play'.

I cannot keep a smile on my face when I see this video, partly because I was her as a child and partly because I love her excitement. I was obsessed with trains as a kid and can remember taking my first train ride with my family. Staring out the window in pure bliss while the wheels rolled beneath me. It was incredible. I love that the arrival of a train made this little girl so happy. I miss that; the childlike excitement over something adults wouldn't bat an eye over. That wonder when everything is new you just want to experience it again and again.

Sure, I still have moments like these, most recently when a friend told me she's tight with Hanson (straight up child excitement right there) and I freaked out. In a bar. My point is, I wish I took more time out of my day to look at the simple, everyday things through the eyes of a child. Appreciating a beautiful sunrise or thunderstorm, getting so invested in a movie or book that at the end, you just sit there, still enthralled in that world. So here's my challenge to you, much loved readers. Take a moment everyday to let one thing bring as much happiness into your life as little Madeline at the train station. That's your Try This Thursday.

"The end of childhood is when things cease to astonish us.  When the world seems familiar, when one has got used to existence, one has become an adult" 

--Eugene Ionesco

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"Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength." --Betty Friedan

I've been 24 for 10 days now, which has allowed me time to reflect on the past year. If I had to sum it up in one word, it would be change. Now, I'll be the first to admit that word has made more appearances in this blog than any other, but that's just the point. In the past year, I've graduated college, fallen in love, moved to a new city and started a new job, made new friends and lost others, had crushes and been crushed.

There were some days this past year that I never thought would end. I experienced some incredibly low lows and can only hope the highs are on their way. It was a year of learning, necessary if only to mark my real entrance into adulthood. I paid my first electric bill and signed my first lease, sans co-signer. These past few years, I've hated the idea of getting older. 23 would lead to 27 which would soon become 35 and before you know it, you're over the hill. But now, I think I'm much more able to embrace it. It's not like I'm counting down until the days I'm 65 but I know now that each year will bring more experiences, opportunities and life lessons.

Looking back on the past year, there were a lot of things I enjoyed, some I didn't and a few I wish I could change. But I think part of aging is knowing that, even the hardships and unpleasant experiences will lead to something better. That every low point will end soon enough and, while you might have a mountain to climb, looking down from the top will be worth the struggle.

So, with a fresh, new year ahead of me, it seems only fitting to come up with a list of to-do's (and maybe a few to-don'ts).

1) Run the OKC Memorial Half in April
2) Edit my novel and try to get it published
3) Spend 365 days with my dog
4) Be in Houston for my nephew's first birthday
5) Don't live according to my (or someone else's) timeline
6) Spread happiness

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"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be." --Carrie Bradshaw

I think the most interesting thing to have come from the past two+ weeks is discovering I'm not who I thought I was. I'm not that shy girl I was back in primary school or even during college, I'm not the girl who was scared of risk or adventure and I'm not ready to be tied down to a place like I thought I was.

There were so many times in my past when I would be the quiet one, unable to introduce myself to my peers and in turn, be the odd one out. That wasn't a constant but it was more often then not. And now, here I am, going out and making friends on the weekends, meeting new people and honestly, living for me. I'm doing things because I want to and because of that, I'm enjoying all of the experiences so much more. I'm no longer the homebody who stays in on a Friday night, not because I don't still enjoy that but because I want to go out and meet people, maybe go a little crazy.

I was thinking today, especially with my job, that I can go anywhere. I can live anywhere and still get my job done. Which has made me want to compile a list of the places I want to stay and figure out when I'm moving. Go for 6 months to a year and then move on to the next place. Of course, it's easy to say now when I don't have something/someone tying me to one spot but it's still fun to think of being in California for a while, living in Hawaii and working on the beach, stopping in Houston and watching my precious nephew.

I'm realizing at this point in my life, the options are endless. The opportunities are never-ending and, for now, I have no one to worry about except myself, which is so incredibly freeing (albeit a little little sad, again, for now). It's interesting that people say your past shapes who you become, which can be true. But at the same time, if you hold onto your past for too long, it really can become an anchor that weighs you down and keeps you from growing, changing, improving. Sometimes though, it's easier to hold onto your past. It's what you know since you've experienced it. But take the risk, let it go and figure out first hand who you're supposed to be without the past keeping you from doing so.

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"The thing is..there are some things we don't admit because we just don't like the way it sounds." --Charlotte York

This quote has never been more true than today. Ask Rose, she'll tell ya. I always thought that if there was a flaw in my personality that was so annoying it bothered me, that I'd fix it. But that's not the way it works. You can put it to the back of your mind, you can try to forget about it but someday it always comes back. Always.

Some people don't want to admit they are needy, or need someone at all. Some people don't want to admit that they're high maintenance even though they (hopefully) know they are. And why are we keeping these thoughts to ourselves? It really is because we don't like how it sounds. I don't like saying I'm annoyed because my boyfriend is in another state. That makes me sound (and feel) like that girl who constantly needs to be with her boyfriend. I don't. But when I say the previous statement out loud, that's what I hear and I assume that's what other people hear.

I don't want to say I'm a hopeless romantic because that's honestly, slightly pathetic. Again, this is my point of view but when I hear of people upset because someone didn't get them flowers for their four and a half month anniversary, I groan, I moan, I roll my eyes. So when I say something I'd imagined in my head all the while knowing it's completely and utterly a selfish thing to say, I cringe. Therefore, when I get these images and made up scenarios in my head, I have to write about them or simply let the day dream come to an end.

I don't want to admit a lot of things but I have to wonder- if I admitted these poor sounding thoughts, emotions and ideas, would I feel better about thinking them?

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