Thursday, March 31, 2011

"You're young and you're eager, and I understand that. But one thing you're not, and this is something only time can provide, really, is wise." -- Jack Bristow

People always say that change is for the better and that you get used to change, but I don't. I can honestly not ever see a time when I am used to change. It's what keeps you on your toes, surprises you and then makes you aware of just how great things were (or will be). If I ever get used to change, I worry what it could mean. Has my life reached a plateau of accomplishments and enough change to leave me hardened and unimpressed by any new changes? Or am I just better at anticipating it because I know the things that matter will still be there? Those are the certainties I can't wait to have. There's still so much going on with myself, my friends, my family, that the change doesn't appear to be slowing down anytime soon.

At the same time, all I want is to be able to know change is on its way, or has already arrived, and that things will be different. To instantaneously know that it's going to be alright. That things will work out in the end. But I guess that's the thing about change. It's a double-edged sword that'll slice you no matter what you do. Perhaps the above mentioned wisdom from edge is learning how to block the hits so the change doesn't cut too close.

To say I'm settling is in one thing, to say I'm getting used to my new life is a whole different ball game. Everything has changed and the fear that everything could change again in an instant is terrifying. I'm slowly growing accustomed to the sleep and work schedule, but I have a long way to go before it's routine. I still wake up in the morning and laugh (sometimes bitterly) at the fact that four months ago I was only ever awake at that time to let Teddy out of his kennel.That by the time I'm having lunch, I was starting my second cup of coffee only four weeks ago. I need to re-read those entries about how much I wanted a job. Needed a job. Someone should have slapped me upside the head and said "Enjoy it kid, things are about to change forever." The grass is always greener...

Sunday, March 27, 2011

"So just love, make mistakes, and have wonderful times, but never second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is you are going." --Carrie Bradshaw

Carrie speaks the truth. I know it, you know it. The problem is listening to her words and following the advice. I had this quote saved from last month, intending to use it in another context I'm sure, but re-reading it now gives it a whole other life.

The first 4 days at my job were so incredibly difficult. Not only was I getting used to living in a new city on my own, but add to the mix working an 8-5 and dealing with everything that comes with it. Making it to work on time, deciding what to have for lunch, what you're going to do with your time when you get home and most importantly, enjoying what you're doing from the 8-5 enough to have time pass relatively quickly, or at least not drag by. This was my problem. All 20 odd years of my life, I have wanted to do something in the creative realm. Act, sing, write stories or songs, play music, design graphics. Anything and everything that had to do with the artsy stuff. So, after 20 some years of wanting/loving/expecting this, learning that what I was going to be doing at my job was nothing like this was a harsh blow.

It made me wonder, is it a good idea to teach our kids to believe in their dreams and that dreams do come true? Of course. I'm being cynical and mopey that I didn't have the guts and determination to go after my dreams (there is still time, of course!). But reading the above quote made me realize that everything up to this point has gotten me to where I am. There is a reason why I love writing songs or blogs or stories, even if only to get my feelings out and escape to a different reality once in a while. There's a reason why I can sing, even if only to sing to my children at night. But everything has it's own purpose in your life, you just have to remember that.

And this job, which has gotten exponentially better since I started, will play a role in my life to come. Maybe it'll be a good first job to have on my resume or maybe it'll get me to that international travel I've dreamt about for a while now. Regardless, it will serve a purpose. So come tomorrow, when I wake up at 7am and am wishing I were back in college or when my day starts and the fun of the job hasn't hit me yet, I'll think back to this quote, this blog and remember that this is just a puzzle piece in my life that will serve as a means to fill the next piece in.

Monday, March 21, 2011

“When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish."--Winnie the Pooh

The lack of updates in two weeks is due to my new found status as a working girl. It's incredibly weird and hard and annoying but fun and different and sometimes exciting. I am a Business Development Manager for a technology company. The title sounds so much more official than what I do but I like it. Per my training, I am currently conducting surveys over the phone to companies we think would could use our technology. In reality, this training is just to give me time to get used to talking on the phone and being comfortable getting past "gatekeepers" while having time to train. I've now worked for 8 full days and each day it gets a little better, a little more comfortable and little less sad.

Sad in the sense that this is what I will be doing for 40 odd years. Sad that my life revolves around work and the weekends, as well as the occasional day off. I'm ready to hit my one year anniversary, when I get 10 days vacation as opposed to my current five (which is still great, don't get me wrong). This is a completely different lifestyle than the one I've known for the past four and a half years and let's be honest, who likes change? Especially when you're changing from something that was so great?

I'm looking forward to my first payday, they say it all becomes worth it when you see all your hard work in money form. That will be nice. Until then, I will look forward to the little things, like seeing friends during the weekday or seeing the boyfriend on the weekends. Coming home to an incredibly excited puppy twice a day who reminds me to love the little things, not having to do anything after work and have the time solely for me.

Side note: Teddy is still alive, laying next to me on my bed with his engorged abdomen from his ascites. I'm not sure what's going on with his liver or how much longer he has, but I would appreciate any and all prayers and thoughts in his direction. He's a little fighter and makes me so happy everyday that any extra time I get to spend with him is incredible.

It's my first weekend spent here in the apartment and in the city and it's already gotten pretty full with plans. I am excited to spend a big chunk of Saturday and most of Sunday to finish unpacking and decorating. As soon as it's all done, I'll take some pictures to show off the finished product! But I'm pretty sure the boxes and pictures have somehow multiplied during their waiting period...Just my luck.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


These past two weeks have had a lot of firsts for me. My first real job offer, my first acceptance, my first time moving cities, knowing I'd be there for a while. The list goes on.

Last night, as I pulled the sheets back on my air mattress, I realized another first. The first night in my first, very own apartment. Not one that I shared, not staying at home while the parents were out of town. My place, all alone. I expected to feel some fear, perhaps some sadness, but I was surprised at how calm I was. Believe you me, I enjoyed the milestone, but I suppose I was expecting to feel something more.

David and I grabbed a pizza last night at The Wedge Pizzeria on Western and loved it. The restaurant itself was a bit small but it had a great vibe to it and I'm pretty sure the owner was our waiter. He took great care of us and helped us with the menu. If you're ever in Okc, it's a must. It's something I'm getting used to, having all these new places to try and being so close to so many options. Which is weird to say considering I lived in Houston and had a plethora of options but this is different. This is that downtown feel and I really love it. Going 5 minutes right on Western and being in Uptown or going left on Walker and being in downtown in 3.

And now, empty boxes have been put into one of my many closets and the living room looks pretty bare. I want a futon. The table and chairs can wait, I want somewhere for guests to sit and crashers to sleep. Anyone have a spare?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

"Is this real life?" --David (after his infamous trip to the dentist)

Well kids, I've done it. I have found the place of residence that I will be calling home for the next year and I am in love. It's a first floor apartment in what I can only imagine was once a huge home. Or a brothel. Thankfully, it's been incredibly well kept (or re-done) and is perfect for me. What's that you ask? Did you say you wanted pictures? How funny you should mention it...
This is the view from my door, facing the front door

And the back door

This is what you see upon entering, a very empty yet messy living room

I thought you might want to see the front door, with a closet to the right

Next we have a view of the bedroom from the living room

And another

The opposite side, with the nice, long closet

Now we make our way back to the living room, shown here from the kitchen

Here's the kitchen, shown from the dining area (I love the cupboards!)

The actual kitchen, pardon the mess

This is the dining area

From there you enter what I call the Get Ready room

A view from the closet shown above

That leads into the bathroom
See Becca? Not a tacky purple/pink tile, a perfect for me tile!

Monday, March 7, 2011

"Eventually all the pieces fall into place....until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason"--Carrie Bradshaw

It's so much easier to read this quote and heed its advice now that the confusion in my life is seeming to dissipate. I suppose that's the reason we have those confusing, complicated, out-of-your-control times- in order to enjoy life when things come together.

To say things have changed since my last post would be a slight understatement. I have watched my puppy miraculously dispel the fluid in his abdomen one week (and then retain fluid a few weeks later), interviewed for a job and actually gotten an offer that I have taken, and in turn begun the move to Oklahoma City. Just a week ago at this time I had finished the interview and was enjoying a happy hour beer at O'Connell's for Kevin's birthday, contemplating what I would do if I got the offer. And here I am, with as much stuff from my room that I could fit in my car, trying to find a place to live. A week ago I was living at home, anxious to get out. Now I'm about to live on my own and am feeling a rather overwhelming sense of homesickness. Just my luck.

I should think that after 23 years of life, I would really grasp the concept that everything's greener on the other side because time and time again, it proves to be true. At any point in my life, a job was always a great idea, the money was so appetizing but once the job came, I loathed the fact that I didn't have time for my life according to my schedule. My last year of college, all I wanted was to get out and start working. I was sick of the exams and the studying. Now, as my adult life is approaching at an alarming speed, all I want is to be back in college, not having to worry about finding a place to live close to work, in my price range, with this and that, etc. Darn you grass, why can't you be green all the time? And here I am, out on my own as I have wanted so badly these past few months, yet wanting to be back in the comfort of that 3 windowed, blue room with my dog cuddled up to me, waiting to eat dinner with the parents.

Maybe as I grow older and hopefully wiser, I will finally be able to truly live in the moment. To know that when things go wrong, there's a reason and that things will somehow correct themselves. To laugh it off with a razztini in hand and simply enjoy my surroundings. I don't know if I'll ever truly be that carefree but it's nice to think that the next time nothing lines up, I'll remember that eventually, they will.