Thursday, March 31, 2011

"You're young and you're eager, and I understand that. But one thing you're not, and this is something only time can provide, really, is wise." -- Jack Bristow

People always say that change is for the better and that you get used to change, but I don't. I can honestly not ever see a time when I am used to change. It's what keeps you on your toes, surprises you and then makes you aware of just how great things were (or will be). If I ever get used to change, I worry what it could mean. Has my life reached a plateau of accomplishments and enough change to leave me hardened and unimpressed by any new changes? Or am I just better at anticipating it because I know the things that matter will still be there? Those are the certainties I can't wait to have. There's still so much going on with myself, my friends, my family, that the change doesn't appear to be slowing down anytime soon.

At the same time, all I want is to be able to know change is on its way, or has already arrived, and that things will be different. To instantaneously know that it's going to be alright. That things will work out in the end. But I guess that's the thing about change. It's a double-edged sword that'll slice you no matter what you do. Perhaps the above mentioned wisdom from edge is learning how to block the hits so the change doesn't cut too close.

To say I'm settling is in one thing, to say I'm getting used to my new life is a whole different ball game. Everything has changed and the fear that everything could change again in an instant is terrifying. I'm slowly growing accustomed to the sleep and work schedule, but I have a long way to go before it's routine. I still wake up in the morning and laugh (sometimes bitterly) at the fact that four months ago I was only ever awake at that time to let Teddy out of his kennel.That by the time I'm having lunch, I was starting my second cup of coffee only four weeks ago. I need to re-read those entries about how much I wanted a job. Needed a job. Someone should have slapped me upside the head and said "Enjoy it kid, things are about to change forever." The grass is always greener...


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