Thursday, February 3, 2011

"The thing is..there are some things we don't admit because we just don't like the way it sounds." --Charlotte York

This quote has never been more true than today. Ask Rose, she'll tell ya. I always thought that if there was a flaw in my personality that was so annoying it bothered me, that I'd fix it. But that's not the way it works. You can put it to the back of your mind, you can try to forget about it but someday it always comes back. Always.

Some people don't want to admit they are needy, or need someone at all. Some people don't want to admit that they're high maintenance even though they (hopefully) know they are. And why are we keeping these thoughts to ourselves? It really is because we don't like how it sounds. I don't like saying I'm annoyed because my boyfriend is in another state. That makes me sound (and feel) like that girl who constantly needs to be with her boyfriend. I don't. But when I say the previous statement out loud, that's what I hear and I assume that's what other people hear.

I don't want to say I'm a hopeless romantic because that's honestly, slightly pathetic. Again, this is my point of view but when I hear of people upset because someone didn't get them flowers for their four and a half month anniversary, I groan, I moan, I roll my eyes. So when I say something I'd imagined in my head all the while knowing it's completely and utterly a selfish thing to say, I cringe. Therefore, when I get these images and made up scenarios in my head, I have to write about them or simply let the day dream come to an end.

I don't want to admit a lot of things but I have to wonder- if I admitted these poor sounding thoughts, emotions and ideas, would I feel better about thinking them?


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